It's been a bad exam. Repeating the same thing twice probably proves the point. And of course there's the whole, "It's ok Josh. I'm sure you did better then you thought you did." The truth of the matter is that there are times you know you're really dead. And this exam so happens to be one of those times. I screwed up a major paper and I already know I'll have to take it again next year. The results aren't out but I just know it. Not to mention, this is the first time in my life where I've gone into an exam and cam out not even confident of passing ONE paper. NOT EVEN ONE. What's worse is that I actually tried to study. I prepared all my notes in advance, listened to all the lectures and even read the freakin' text book. But it appears that all that effort wasn't enough. It's all over for now but I know that I'll be needing to face them again in the future. On the bright side, at least I'm a little bit more prepared for the next round.
It's been a real test of character for me I suppose. I'm usually optimistic about exams and stuff, not really caring whether I do awesomely well. Just enough to get by and pass. But with all the effort put in prior, my world just crumbled at the fact that I have to repeat the same subject again next year. It's just such an overwhelming feeling of gloom and despair that I couldn't help but wallow in self pity for a good few hours. I must mention that Clarice has been a God sent to just be there. Guess that's why I love her so much. I didn't make it easy for her in my period of 'grieving' so to speak. But she stuck through and I am grateful for that.
What was pretty amazing to me was the fact that my mom wasn't furious at all when I told her that I failed one paper already. What's more is that she sent me an email saying that there's more to life than pursuing a degree. I didn't pick up the phone when she called twice. I simply wasn't ready to face the music but apparently, there is no music to face, not even a sound to a symphony of anger and fury. I thank God for that and for such understanding (if I can call it that) parents to whom are still going to fund my extra semester.
There's just so many lessons to be learnt, so much moulding of character, and a strengthening of bonds because of this bad exam experience. I really am caught in a dilemma here; whether to be thankful for this blessing in disguise or to just wish that I had gone through no problem. The fact is that it's all past now and there's no other way to go except forward. Things are looking up. I've got a job teaching a kid how to play guitar and a trip to Melbourne with some friends. It's not the end of the world, just that it took a step back than what I thought it would be.