It's weird. You see her smile and laugh and you're really happy for her. For her smile. For her laugh. In the same moment, there's this "feeling". You feel a heaviness somewhere deep inside your chest. Why? Because you want to be the one that makes her laugh and smile that way but sadly, you're not. (Too bad mate) It's a tug of war between the heart and mind, one telling the other what to feel, what to think and what to believe. It's a constant struggle not to let it show, but history shows that my efforts do not suffice.
It's funny. Your mind tells you that it's okay, it does it's very best to rationalize the circumstances and convince you that this is nothing to be worried about. But the heart, this "feeling"..it doesn't budge. It stays on, somewhere inside, often emerging to interrupt the train of thoughts that race across the mind. The heart takes the better of you and you are plunged into a state of self-questioning and reflection. You try to pull a straight face, but it doesn't work. She sees right through. She says, "I love you lah."
It's crazy. Love that is. Michael Bublé has probably stressed that enough. In the midst of the pushing and pulling, you say a silent prayer, hoping and trusting that nothing would go wrong. Paranoia, that's what love can do to you. You think you can handle it, but when the time comes, you fall short..WAYYYY short. Under the cold starry night, you come to a realization, "...love is not self-seeking...love always trusts, always hopes...".
It's cold. The night air and breeze that blows over your face. Cold like the reality of you not trusting, giving up on hope, and being selfish. You quickly repent and curse at your lack of faith in her. You read the words "I love you lah" again. A sense of relief and lightness comes over you. You thank God that everything is alright and you reply her message in kind. As you pick up your laptop and proceed to move, you take a look at her and you know.
It's funny. Your mind tells you that it's okay, it does it's very best to rationalize the circumstances and convince you that this is nothing to be worried about. But the heart, this "feeling"..it doesn't budge. It stays on, somewhere inside, often emerging to interrupt the train of thoughts that race across the mind. The heart takes the better of you and you are plunged into a state of self-questioning and reflection. You try to pull a straight face, but it doesn't work. She sees right through. She says, "I love you lah."
It's crazy. Love that is. Michael Bublé has probably stressed that enough. In the midst of the pushing and pulling, you say a silent prayer, hoping and trusting that nothing would go wrong. Paranoia, that's what love can do to you. You think you can handle it, but when the time comes, you fall short..WAYYYY short. Under the cold starry night, you come to a realization, "...love is not self-seeking...love always trusts, always hopes...".
It's cold. The night air and breeze that blows over your face. Cold like the reality of you not trusting, giving up on hope, and being selfish. You quickly repent and curse at your lack of faith in her. You read the words "I love you lah" again. A sense of relief and lightness comes over you. You thank God that everything is alright and you reply her message in kind. As you pick up your laptop and proceed to move, you take a look at her and you know.
1 comment:
awww :)
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